Lessons to draw on from moments of pause.

Have you ever felt like you were caught in a state of inertia? Where your general sense of motivation to get things going was not functioning the way it usually does. This state is not really a state of stuckness (or stuckitude), but it is a state of being whereby you feel like things are moving very slowly or are on pause.

As someone who usually operates more dominantly in a more masculine energy of action, it is quite disconcerting when I am not moving in the ways that are more familiar. In the past few years, I have learnt to embrace more graciously operating from my feminine energy. This energy space is more about allowing and also giving myself a break from initiating, driving and instead, being in a receptive space or what I call ‘heart space’.

In embracing this state of being, I have drawn on the following lessons (and principles) to ensure that I am ok:

(i) Embracing solitude:

In the past few months, I have spent a considerable amount of time alone. Initially, I felt like I needed to explain why I was happy, isolating myself. However, as time went by, I completely accepted that right now, my spirit needed to recharge, that I needed to spend quality time with me and that my fears of being completely isolated and cut-off from the world in the long-term, were just that, fears. I recognised that I have within me the ability to reach out and to reconnect again when I am ready. I have learnt that spending time in my bubble of solitude allows me to be heart-grounded.

This is not always an easy thing for me, given my propensity for moving, driving and achieving. I have admitted to myself that in this current phase, spending too much time with people has become exhausting and that taking time for solitude allowed me to be more grounded, conscious and attentive to myself, and to also be able to offer this when I do step in the space with others.

(ii) Letting go of the need to show up in a particular way only:

I have always seen myself as a fiercely loyal creature, a dependable person who contributes to the world in particular ways. Over the course of my life, I have spent a lot of my time giving away my energy, preoccupied with maintaining this persona and some connections, to the extent that I am drained. I never really questioned the toll this was taking on me and the loss of freedom it cost me. Don’t get me wrong, showing up in the world in the ways I have, is nobody’s fault. I chose this (even unconsciously at times). But now, I have requested some understanding for myself, from myself. I am SO ready to leave that behind.

I acknowledge that altering my choice is likely to render me vulnerable at times. But, I guess part of growing is being willing to close certain chapters and embracing stronger and wiser me.

(iii) Being grateful:

Through this ‘heart consciousness’, I am working on every day, the one thing I have found is that I have a lot to be incredibly grateful for. I am grateful for the people who have blown through my life, I am grateful for the material things I have acquired, but
more than all that, I am grateful for my vulnerability, the chance to feel completely, live completely and be completely. I am grateful for the opportunity to keep learning and growing.